Some Like It Hot was a mega hit when it was released in 1959, even though it was banned by various, uptight institutions. The film was considered ‘morally objectionable’ because it promoted homosexuality, lesbianism, and cross-dressing. As a result, scores of moviegoers felt compelled to stay away – but not my grandmother. Having partied thru the roaring 20’s, and mothered two daughters with a married man (not her husband), she wasn’t shy about her sexuality, or anyone else’s. Despite public outcry, she took me to see it, and I was only 7 years old. Of course, I had no idea who homosexuals, lesbians, or transvestites were. Based on my enjoyment of the movie, I would have thought that they were amazing, friendly people who were having lots of fun. The idea of being able to play dress-up and pretend you were someone else earned my childish admiration. And despite the outrage of pious institutions and a few state legislatures, it’s considered one of the greatest comedies of all time. So why can’t society make up its mind about morality standards?

Let me begin by asserting my sexual identity: I was born, and continue to be, a female. For no particular reason, I have only engaged in sex with men, though I haven’t much thought about why. I was just doing what came naturally to me. Yes, I am clueless when it comes to the struggles and stereotypes that come with a true identity crisis. Growing up in the sixties, I was acutely sympathetic to the sexual revolution and equality for women. But that wasn’t a stretch since I am a woman who has experienced the inequities of a male-dominated culture. Also, in the sixties, just about anything was acceptable. Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll made everything more palatable – it’s hard to be critical when you’re immersed in any of the aforementioned activities.

Fast forward to today’s world where the divisions over sexual identity have exploded. I can’t help but wonder how we got here, and why there seems to be a continual ebb and flow of societal tolerance. Right or wrong, my attitude has always been that I would rather not know what anybody (alone or in collaboration) does behind closed doors, as long as no one suffers harm, emotional or otherwise. And I don’t care how you identify as long as you don’t try to win me over to your team. After all, I wouldn’t expect you to convert to Catholicism for us to be friends.

There seems to be a visceral response to the word sexuality which has sparked strong feelings around the globe since the dawn of history This thought makes me believe that there is more to sex than the obvious definitions. As an example, I’ve always been perplexed by the idea that rape is not about the sex but about power and control over another person. Should I conclude that sex and power can be conflated? Is that why powerful people so easily get the beautiful arm candy? Or why the weaker sex – whichever one that is – try to channel power by offering their bodies to the highest bidder (think Andrew Cunanan)? How is that different from prostitution? And why does it cross a moral boundary that varies across religions and societies. I have no answers but maybe an example might help.

Cleopatra might be the most famous Egyptian pharaoh who wasn’t actually Egyptian, and who believed that she was a living goddess. Talk about an identity crisis! She loved to put on a show and make a grand entrance which is how she beguiled both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony. But seduction was just a means for her to to consolidate power (here’s that power-sex thing again). I’ve always thought of her as the consummate temptress and was very surprised to find out that spoke many languages, in addition to being educated in math, philosophy, oratory and astronomy. I was also surprised to find out she wasn’t a great beauty. Coins depict her with masculine features and a hooked nose, and it’s been debated whether or not she intentionally wanted to convey strength by appearing manly. To summarize, Cleopatra was a woman by any definition of the word; but she liked to act like a man when the occasion suited her. She only played up her femininity because the men who had the power she coveted were subject to her charms. I’m not sure how confident she felt as a living goddess and pharaoh of uber-rich country, if she had to rely on mere mortals to get what she wanted.

At this point I am no closer to understanding why sexuality is so controversial. If no one is getting hurt and the consenting partners want all the same things as heterosexuals (respect, love, an equal shot at success, etc.) then what’s the dilemma? Maybe we just need to avoid the word sex or sexuality. With that thought in mind, I have attempted to redefine LGBTQ using more politically correct terminology:

Lesbian: a woman who prefers to be intimate with another woman because that feels safe and natural to her.
Gay: a man who prefers to be intimate with another man because that feels safe and natural to him.
Bisexual: a person who can be intimate with either gender, because because that feels safe and natural to him or her.
Transgender: a person who choses to be, or act, in opposition to their chromosomal gender; or who may choose to remain neutral on the subject. In any case, their choice feels safe and natural to them.
Queer or Questioning: a person who doesn't feel that one (or none) of the above is a good fit and prefers to keep their options open - because that feels safe and natural for the time being.

Hmm, I still don’t understand why we have to declare a preference. Why must we label everything? What you look like, or how you behave in the bedroom (or bathroom) should have no effect on human rights. Anyway, I thought justice was blind? So unless you are an alien, pretending to be human, and having sex or relieving yourself in public, I couldn’t care less.