Mad as Hell

Like the rest of the world, I’m sick about recent events, from the Covid pandemic, to ruined economies, to racism and partisan politics. To quote Howard Beale, the insane newscaster in Network: “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”. I can’t believe this movie came out in 1975. Then again, great fiction is timeless.

Trouble is, I’m tired of being mad all the time. Hope is a fantasy, and I have zero tolerance for anyone else’s viewpoint. I seem to be angry at everyone for endless reasons: family, friends, liberals, conservatives, etc. No one has been exempt from my contempt, including me.  My anger bordered on madness and consumed everything that was good in my life. It left me exhausted and full of resentment.

Mercy Isn’t Judgment

So I did what I usually do when I can’t handle my angst: I went to confession (the Catholic version of free psychotherapy). The priest listened attentively to my litany of grievances as if my words were pearls of wisdom rather than a deluge of verbal diarrhea. When I finished, he gently reminded me that I should focus on mercy rather than judgment. He told me to think about all the ways that God has been merciful to me. He quoted James 2:13: “For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment”.

Floyd vs Chauvin

Breaking news: we all need mercy, whether or not we think so. I thought about George Floyd and his cruel death. He begged for mercy but received none. I thought about the police officer, Derek Chauvin, charged with Floyd’s murder. As far as I know, he has not asked for mercy nor shown any remorse. And why should he receive mercy when he gave none? In any case, his life is destroyed. He lost his wife, his job, his freedom, and his name will be indelibly linked to the worst kind of racism. Isn’t it ironic? His name is part of the word, chauvinist.

George Floyd, a black man, executed without a trial by the ruthless actions of white cop. Derek Chauvin, sentenced to symbolic death, before a trial, in the court of public opinion. Objective truth: black or white, justified or unjustified, neither man received mercy.

Could I walk a mile in either man’s shoes? Definitely not! It would be far easier to be merciful than to know what is in a man’s heart. According to  Peter Kreeft, “It is mercy, not justice or courage or even heroism, that alone can defeat evil.”

Difference Between Mercy & Judgment

After all this deep thinking, I still wasn’t sure what the difference was between mercy and judgment. So I did what I normally do when I need quick answers to complicated questions. I googled, “What is the difference between mercy and judgment”. I found a wonderful article on the topic by Fr. Joe Corpora, C.S.C. My take-away is that showing mercy means giving a person the benefit of the doubt because all the facts behind their behavior are not apparent. Whereas judgment implies a decisive verdict of guilt or innocence based on circumstantial evidence and eye witness accounts, both of which can be misleading.

The article reminded me of the countless times when I had rushed to judgment before I had all the facts, like the obnoxious patient whom all the staff despised. She was so angry and nasty that the staff avoided her at every opportunity. And the more we ignored her, the more demanding she became. I later discovered that her husband had left her after a mastectomy for breast cancer. And her daughter had died in a freak accident, shortly thereafter.

A near- fatal car crash had landed her in the hospital with painful fractures and a ruptured kidney, just to name a few of her injuries. Yes, she had a bad attitude made worse by the loss of her dignity and self-respect. But that that was no excuse for neglecting her basic needs. In fact, she completely turned around after a compassionate aide took the time to listen to her during a much needed bath and linen change.

I have never forgotten her. Though it might not have been her intention, she taught me the most valuable lesson a nurse (or anyone for that matter) can learn. Listen with your heart. Only then will you understand what someone is trying to tell you. That’s how to practice mercy without judgment.